Gratitude

This week, on Monday, I uploaded four new songs on my soundcloud site after a challenge from a close friend of mine, or more accurately after telling her I would challenge myself to make and upload an “E.P.” in the course of two months. The deadline was Halloween. The E.P. is called “Universum”.

During these two months I have come a long way mentally as well as musically. I have a different approach to music than I had earlier; it is more conscious and deliberate, yet at the same time more free and intuitive. This makes me think: are those apparent opposites connected? Is it in this juxtaposition I find the ability to create art? I think so. I am in the process of embracing the contrasts in my life, in my identity, in myself, and thus, my music is filled with both contrast and harmony. It is at the same time subtle and brazen, soft-spoken and loudmouthed, like me.

This year has been a fantastic voyage, through hardships and setbacks, through chance meetings and inspiration, to the point where I am now;  standing on my own two feet, with a clear vision, the tenacity, energy and momentum to do what I have always wanted to do. 2011 did not turn out the way I thought, it turned out even better! And with still two months left of the year, who’s to say what will happen next?
I want to thank Silvie LeMuzic, my muse, my most devoted fan and strongest critic; Susanne Fuhr, my dear warm friend, invaluable ally and inspiration; Eskild Trulsen, who taught me both to be confident that what I make is good and helped me master the craft of electronic music-making; Carl Jurgens, my critic, tech expert and a master at all he puts his hands on; Kant Kino, who are one of the best acts in their genre and continue to inspire me and amaze me with great songs and remixes; Tomas Kulberg(Cthulberg), wonderful demented genius and musician extraordinaire; Alex Jarlev, industrial guru and sound expert; my former colleagues in Anax Imperator: Tollef Ladehaug, Henrik Aronsen and Per-Christian Nilsen, who still are there for me; Ian Magnus Melsom for never losing his faith in me; Tone Moum Drazkowski for lending her lovely voice to me, both in the past and in the future; Greger Stolt Nilsen, for enthusiasm, criticism and witticisms; Tarjei Winje Selvaag, for mac help and for just plain being awesome; and last, but not least my three lovely kids and my wife Katrine Kleppe, who put up with me when I am at my worst and sit up late at nights, isolate myself in my studio and am at my most monomaniacal.
Oh, and of course: you! Thank you for listening to my music.

The Ax

This is a poem I wrote way back in 2000, that rings even more true now than it did back then. Picture if you will an disappointed creator looking at man as a leader would look an employee with whom he was very dissatisfied.

I’m afraid we’ll have to let you go

It pains us, but our policy is strict.

You’ve had your share of chances, but you know

It doesn’t all work out as we predict.

You started out a most ambitious one

We had such plans, you’ve really let us down,

You always stretched our patience; now it’s gone,

I’m sorry, lad, this time you’re on your own.

We have observed you since you left the trees

And since the day you learned the use of fire,

We’ve proudly watched you sail across the seas,

And always meant your goals would take you higher.

But as you grew, you left all your ideals,

And put to sleep all promises you made;

You soon began to lie and cheat and steal,

And do all sorts of things reason forbade.

Your arrogance has cost too much, my friend,

Our pity is exhausted, so you see;

Your time with us must now come to an end,

It’s high time that you meet your destiny.

2000-03-12

Digitalicide

 

There is no golden dawn in East as West burrows in ancient hate

The eggs are broken in the basket, how’s that for a chicken’s fate?

Securitechno guards the airports, can you feel them scan your soul?

As demagoblins shriek in anger, playing out their shock’n'roll

It’s all about control

Now we can hardly CNN when the slow Fox just stole the news

Drop by the Tea Party tonight, we’ll have a Ranch Style BBQ

The GOP is on the move, and CIA’s got ESP

The Network’s turned the tables on us, don’t believe a word you see

It’s all the same to me

The Fat Cats send The Underdogs off chasing after the Wild Geese

And all of our hard-earned Freedoms are on all too short a lease

Corp lawyers forge new Axioms to oversee the recent Sales

Remember not to do the Crime without the means to post the Bail

They’ll send you off the rails

New Life

A New Life

I had my last day at work today.

This last year has been eventful. In August 2009 we had to move out of the flat we rented in a hurry. The landlord was a psychotic alcoholic who threatened to kill me after making a hell of a lot of noise one night. I slammed the window shut to signal something in the line of “Shut the fuck up and go to sleep,” and ended up being a human shield between him and my then hardly two months old daughter who was sleeping in her pram while he lunged at me. Needless to say, we were out of the flat the following day.

As luck would have it, people we know helped us spread the word that we needed somewhere to stay in a hurry, and in less than ten hours, we had a new place to live. Our stuff was moved out after a couple of days and into the new flat, which was tiny and hardly housed the four of us; my wife, our then two and a half year old son, and our little daughter. The landlady was an angel; she had been thinking of renting out the tiny flat, but was on her way on holiday when some friends of ours asked if she could put us up. We stayed there until the end of February, when we finally bought a flat not far from there, a great place with room for all of us, a wonderful little garden for the kids to play in, and very close to where I’ve been working the last year.

Up until today I’ve been working at the local supermarket, filling in for my wife as she’s been at home with our little girl, who’s now 15 months old. Tomorrow is my first day at home with my youngest daughter. I’m staying home with her at least until August 2011, maybe even as long as August 2012. My days will be filled with looking after her, housekeeping, and catching up on all the things I’ve wanted to do for ages.

I’m soon going to launch my own website, containing my music, photos and texts, and linking to people I currently am working with as well as musicians, bands and artists I admire. I’m embarking on a new musical project together with Eskild Trulsen, I’m working with local artist Yngvar Karlsen on a couple of projects, and I’m pursuing my dream of writing a story.

I’d like to send a big thank you to my ex-colleagues at Meny Tangen, where I’ve been working the last year. It’s been an invaluable experience for me to work with such a diverse and fantastic group of people. It’s great to know I’ve made friends for life and gained the respect and trust of many people in my community.

In a week, I turn 40. People say that’s when life really begins. I say life begins with every morning.

Language is a virus.

Laurie Anderson said it in the 80s and it rings even more true now.

When people see it not as their right, but as their obligation to tell you what they are doing in their unimaginative lives and don’t even have the decency to try to make what they write in the least bit poetic or interesting, it is clear that there is a serious issue to be dealt with.

Why do you write?

If it is to update your family or friends on what you are doing, try sending a mail. Or post an update on facebook. The internet is littered with blogs that read like teenagers’ diaries and, disturbingly enough, many of them are written by adults.

If you can’t be poetic about it, if your imagination is limited to merely relating what you experience in the most economical and physical sense, then don’t write a blog entry about it. Tell it to a friend! They know you and add their history with you to the tale.

A blog that works is one that makes you think, or at least go “Hey! That’s cool!” As most people know from the numerous blogs out there, the ones that function are the ones that fill a function. Merely relating things one does that in fact everyone does, is not that interesting.

Some blogs are corporate, some creative, some artistic, some political; but common for the good blog is that it presents you with something else than what you already know.

As a friend of mine said today: “I’d rather read a blog that’s updated once in a while and has something to say, than one that’s updated every day and says nothing.”

Blogs are for most people a way of marketing themselves, however many people seem to not realise that you need something that is marketable. Andy Warhol’s notion of everyone having their 15 minutes of fame rings more true today than ever.

The problem is, if everyone’s a star, who are the real stars? Who excels, who pushes us further up the ladder, who helps us evolve, develop and nourish our intellect, our creativity, our fantasy? I’m afraid that many genuinely creative people drown in the wake of attention-hungry bloggers with little on their mind besides the temporary gratification of their egos. The beauty of the written word is lost in cries for attention.

quoth Laurie Anderson:

Well I dreamed there was an island
That rose up from the sea.
And everybody on the island
Was somebody from TV.
And there was a beautiful view
But nobody could see.
Cause everybody on the island
Was saying: Look at me! Look at me!
            Look at me! Look at me!

And so it begins…

Today I’m simply amazed at the way things are working out. It’s like I’ve sent out a request and the universe is answering the call!

I’m currently involved in two musical projects, one solo project; Wolfendorn, which is really shaping up, and one collaboration with Eskild Trulsen of among others Stereoskill and Anstalt, the latter being in my opinion the best Norwegian EBM band ever. Next week I’m visiting him to learn a lot more about the software I use, so I can really push it to the limits. I’m really looking forward to that! Eskild is a great musician and an inspiring person!

At work, one of my colleagues; Yngvar Karlsen is an artist who started out with figurative painting, but has moved on to more abstract and experimental forms of art. He is currently working on a project that he is going to involve me directly in, as a model and collaborator. We are also embarking on a more ambitious project in the near future! Yngvar is a great artist and likes the way I see the world. This is going to be an amazing experience!

As if that wasn’t enough I’ve got my first job as a photographer! Now, let me be clear, I am an amateur, and would not presume to be anything else, but obviously that is just right for this “gig”. I’m really excited to see the way things are going. Only this week I quit my job filling in for my wife, and am staying home with our one year old daughter from October 1st, maybe for as long as 1 1/2 years. Ample time to work on all the things I’ve wanted to work on for so long.

In other words; things are really looking up these days.

New way? What’s this about a new way?

I’m more inspired than I’ve been in ages! Ideas flow freely, and I’m no longer afraid of “killing my darlings” the way I used to be. When a tune, photo or idea threatens to disintegrate, due to entropy, or whatever causes the disintegration, I simply cut, suture, paste, carve, slice and splice it back in to shape. You will be hearing, and seeing, more of me in the future.

The return

It may seem like I’ve been inactive for some time now, but in fact nothing could be further from the truth. I’m more inspired and more creative than ever and am embarking on new projects, both musically and visually.
The best thing is that I find that people believe in what I’m doing and that I am an inspiration to others. In turn that inspires me to be the best I can.

And we talked.

The evening passed in a happy haze of beer, food and talking. We solved all the problems in the world and create new ones, listened to old music as if it were new and new music as if it were old. When we parted everything was as it had always been and nothing was the same.

Anger is an energy thief.

Sometimes it just pops up again; the anger, that dark rage that eats at your soul, and it’s all you can do just to keep from wasting away in its crimson wake.
I have come far, farther than I thought I could, but rage, the dark rage, still rears its ugly head now and then.
Maybe it’s because I was told to keep a lid on it when I was a kid. Maybe if I’d been allowed to let it out, it wouldn’t have grown this big, and crawled back into my head now and then.
Hello, anger, I thought we were through.